In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
