he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
