the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Mom said you looked used
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
