I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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