I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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