Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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