my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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