he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
