She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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