after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
