I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
