so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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