I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
