my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
