So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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