No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize