He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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