They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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