last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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