Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
