Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize