he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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