I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
