If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need water and some morals
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
