I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
