So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
