u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
