I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
