Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
