I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...