He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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