i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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