So drunk its hurt
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
