I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
