feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
