I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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