Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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