sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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