if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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