We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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