Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
