so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize