I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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