my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
