I CAN MOONWALK!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
