is your mom at the bar?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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