I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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