:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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