I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
soo... how was my night?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
