every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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