Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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