You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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