Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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