come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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