We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
