I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
