Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You are a booty call, not a friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
