CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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