I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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