Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
