# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
