Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
