Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
