Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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