he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
