You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
