i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
