Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
