We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
