sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
