oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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